State Mottos

Queen Elizabeth, Bush & Musharraf died & went straight to hell.

Queen Elizabeth said "I miss England, I want to call England and see how everybody is doing there. She called and talked for about 5 minutes, then she asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you???? The devil says "Five million dollars" She wrote him a cheque and went to sit back on her chair.

Bush was soo jealous, he starts screaming, "My turn! I wanna call the United States, I want to see how everybody is doing there too" He called and talked for about 2 minutes, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you???? The devil says "Ten million dollars" With a smug look on his face, he made a cheque and went to sit back on his chair.

Musharraf was even more jealous & starts screaming, "I want to call Pakistan too, I wanna talk to the ministers, to the deputy, I wanna talk to everybody of my Parliment"..... He called Pakistan and he talked for about twenty hours, he talked & talked & talked, then he asked "Well, devil how much do I owe you???? The devil says "Twenty dollars". Musharraf is stunned & says "Twenty dollars??? Only ??" The devil says "Well if you make a call from one hell to another hell, it's local".

A man and a woman, who have never met before, find
themselves assigned to the same sleeping room on a
transcontinental train.
 
 Though initially embarrassed and uneasy over sharing a
room, the two are tired and fall asleep quickly... he
in the upper bunk and she in the lower.
 
 At 1:00 AM, he leans over and gently wakes the woman
saying, "Ma'am, I'm sorry to bother you, but would you
be willing to reach into the closet to get me a second
blanket? I'm awfully cold."
 
 "I have a better idea," she replies.  "Just for
tonight, let's pretend that we're married."
 
 "Wow! That's a great idea!!" he exclaims.
 
 "Good," she replies. "Get your own bloody blanket."
 
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Tarzan had been living alone in his jungle kingdom for
30 years with only apes for company, and suitably
shaped holes in trees for sex.
 
Jane, a reporter, came to Africa in search of this
legendary figure. Deep in the wilds she came to a
clearing and discovered Tarzan vigorously thrusting
into a jungle oak. She watched in awe for awhile.
 
 Finally, overcome by this display of animal passion
Jane came out into the open and offered herself to
him.
 
 As she reclined on the wild grass Tarzan ran up to her
and gave her a big kick in the crotch.
In pain she screamed 'What the hell did you do that
for!?'
 
 Tarzan replied,
'Always check for squirrels.'

An Englishman, living in Hong Kong, suspected that wife was having an affair with another man. So he hired the most famous Chinese detective from Dung-fu Yah, Mr Fee No Char, to watch and report every moment of his wife’s movement, while he was on a tour to Bangkok.

A few days later, the Englishman received an email from the Chinese Detective. It said:

MOST HON’BELL SIR:
AFTER YOU LEAVE HOUSE.
I WATCH YOU HOUSE.
HE COMES TO HOUSE. I WATCH.
HE AND SHE LEAVE HOUSE. I FOLLOW.
HE AND SHE GO IN HOTEL. I CLIMB TREE.
I LOOK IN WINDOW.
HE KISSES SHE. SHE KISSES HE.
HE STRIPS SHE. SHE STRIPS HE.
HE PLAYS WITH SHE. SHE PLAYS WITH HE.
I PLAY WITH ME. I FALL OFF TREE.
I NO SEE.
SOLLY,
MR. FEE NO CHARGE

A Letter to a Mother
A mother enters her daughter's bedroom and sees a letter over the bed. With the worst premonition, she reads it with trembling hands:

It is with great regret and sorrow that I'm telling you that I eloped with my new boyfriend. I found real passion and he is so nice, with all his piercings and tattoos and his big motorcycle. But is not only that mom, I'm pregnant and Ahmed said that we will be very happy in his trailer in the woods. He wants to have many more children with me and that's one of my dreams. I've learned that marihuana doesn't hurt anyone and we'll be growing it for us and his friends, who are providing us with all the cocaine and ecstasies we may want. In the meantime, we'll pray for the science to find the AIDS cure, for Ahmed to get better, he deserves it.

Don't worry Mom, I'm 15 years old now and I know how to take care of myself. Some day I'll visit for you to know your grandchildren.
Your daughter, Judith

PS: Mom, it's not true. I'm at the neighbor's house. I just wanted to show you that there are worst things in life than the school's report card that's in my desk's drawer...I love you!

The Woman & The Genie

A woman was walking along the beach when she stumbled upon a Genie's lamp.

She picked it up and rubbed it, and lo-and-behold a Genie appeared. The amazed woman asked if she got three wishes. The Genie said, "Nope... due to inflation, constant downsizing, low wages in third-world countries, and fierce global competition, I can only grant you one wish. So... what'll it be?"

The woman didn't hesitate. She said, "I want peace in the Middle East. See this map? I want these countries to stop fighting with each other."

The Genie looked at the map and exclaimed, "Gadzooks, lady! These countries have been at war for thousands of years. I'm good but not THAT good! I don't think it can be done. Make another wish."

The woman thought for a minute and said, "Well, I've never been able to find the right man. You know, one that's considerate and fun, likes to cook and helps with the housecleaning, is good in bed and gets along with my family, doesn't watch sports all the time, and is faithful. That's what I wish for ... a good mate."

The Genie let out a long sigh and said, "Let me see that fuckin' map!"

Any publicity is good publicity,
thank you to the Vatican

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Mary Darkeff.

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