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Hard to believe, but another year has passed. Once again, it's time for the Darwin Award Nominees. The Darwin's are awarded every year to the persons who died in the most stupid manner, thereby removing themselves from the gene pool.

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Two blondes from Newfoundland were chatting one evening.

One blonde asks the other...
"Which is further, Vancouver... or the Moon?"

The other replies:
"HELLOOOOO,  Can you SEE Vancouver?"

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News from Iraq:

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Doctors:
(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171.

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of Health Human Services.
 
Now think about this:

Guns:
(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000. Yes, that is 80 million.
(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups, is 1,500.
(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is .000188.

Statistically, doctors are approximately 9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

Remember, "Guns don't kill people, doctors do."

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT ALMOST EVERYONE HAS AT LEAST ONE DOCTOR.

Out of concern for the public at large, I have withheld the statistics on lawyers for fear the shock would cause people to panic and seek medical attention.
 

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THE BALLAD OF JEANNE O.
by Robert M. Smith

In grade eight, Jeanne O. was the cutest girl in the class. I had a crush on her, anyway. She was also the most popular girl.

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ARE YOU WILD?
by Robert M. Smith

By now it is 1985, and you are 36 years old – are you wild? Is that what you do, keep a perpetual hard-on all day long? You are living in a two-room basement apartment, after getting out of jail, and you have a social worker called Daniel, who takes you out to the movies, to concerts, for meals.

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